princessbean19

Has it really been almost a year since my last update? Wow...

Well, this will be short.

I just found out today that my little sis is pregnant! That's crazy! On one hand I am soooo happy for her but on the other I'm really sad too. That feels selfish, but its true. Things will be really different. I won't be able to just call her up and go to the movies or shopping or whatever. She will have a completely different world now and I won't know how to help with any of it. I'm also worried b/c she's gonna be a first year teacher now too and that's gonna be hard enuf and then to be pregnant on top of that too...

Also, her MIL is crazy. And I know she's gonna take OVER everything about this from the shower to babysitting and we don't get along all that well. She really drives me nuts. She's the type of person who always has to be better than you and everything she buys or does is best, etc. I just don't want her to take over w/MY niece or nephew b/c she's MY sister before she's her daughter in law! And I feel bad for my parents b/c anything they do won't be good enuf either!

Anyway, I'm sure I'll get over all this but for now, I'm just kinda sad and emotional.

My awesome coworker, Jackie, put it perfectly. She said "You're happy for people, but its hard at the same time. It's like being left behind."

That's exactly it and I'm afraid everyone will start bugging me even more about having kids of my own when I'm not ready yet!

So I found out on Thursday that our good family friend, Paula, was just diagnosed with cancer in her lungs, liver, lymph nodes, and bones...pretty much a death sentence. She had breast cancer several years ago but they thought they got it all...apparently not. Its pretty much just a matter of time now, unless there is a miracle. I believe miracles still do happen and I know God is the ultimate Healer, so that is what I'm praying for now. I've known her and her family since I was 11. Our families spent soooo much time together growing up - weekends hanging out, birthdays, camping trips, holidays, etc. I was super close to her daughters and my mom was best friends with her and my dad with her husband. I just hurt so much for her and her family right now. And its just going to rip her husband apart...they are so very close. Her girls, Heather and Kaylan, are close to my age and I can't imagine losing my mom now (Paula is close to my mom's age). We have lost touch (the girls and I) over the years (sadly) but I just want to wrap my arms around them right now and cry with them - the whole family.

I hate how we lose touch and we lose time and then something like this happens and we realize how precious and short life really is. I wish we had been more a part of each others lives after moving away. And soon it will be too late.

Sometimes life just makes me so incredibly *sad*...

Wow...its been months. I should really write about work but I don't want to. I like to forget about it when I get home lol. Last nite, Bink and I saw Lifehouse again for the 4th time! It was a lot of fun and an amazing show as usual but I have to say this was my least fave of all the times I've seen them. I was a tad disappointed by the set. It was mostly a mix of older songs...and not the best of their albums either. I was sooooo bummed that they didn't play "Everything" which is my all time fave and they *always* play it! They only played 7 songs from the new album and I just felt they could have played more solid songs from their older albums. But I guess its good to hear something different once in a while. I was also waiting all nite to hear "Storm" which is another beautiful song from the new album, but alas, they didn't play that either. They didn't seem to be in a ballad-y mood. They really rocked out to their upbeat songs tho. And the best part, we were front row, dead center in front of sexy Jason Wade! And he totally winked at us during "Hanging by a Moment."

The worst part of the nite was definitely all the waiting. I got there at 5, doors opened at 6:30, the first opening act didn't come on til 8. They wasted sooooo much time doing nothing. The stage was set up by 7pm. The first opening act was called "Honey Honey" and was literally a guy with a guitar and bass drum and a girl with a violin. Then there was a 2nd opening act which was much better than the first. They are called "The Midway State" and were pretty good, but hard to understand. They are Canadian (yay for Canadian bands!) The piano player had a huge fro lol! The bass player was pretty cute and he totally smiled at me a few times, kinda made me uncomfortable lol. Its funny coz you can totally tell the difference between bands who have had more experience b/c bands who are new at this don't know where to look into the crowd. They kind of make you feel exposed when you are standing that close. Its odd. They played til about 9:15 and then the roadies spent another 1/2 hour setting up for Lifehouse! Finally, at 9:45 they came on! I have *never* waited that long for the main band! It was a little ridiculous! And then they only played for an hr and 15 mins! Usually they play for at least an hr and a half, sometimes two!=(

The security guards were a little crazy outside. They split us into girls and boys lines and made us take everything out of our pockets and even take our shoes off! Then the head lady came outside and was like "What are you doing!? You all can put your shoes back on!" Then they frisked us basically and let us in.

The crowd was really laid back (except for the 2 obnoxious drunk girls behind us) and it wasn't even very crowded. The girl next to me was a bit obsessive! She's seen Lifehouse 10x in 2 years and she came here from El Paso (which isn't too far, but still)! They'll be in TX in Dec. She was nice tho.

I am always blown away by how powerful Lifehouse sounds live. The sound guy had the instruments up a little too loud and the microphones a bit too low but they sound so good anyway. Jason was wearing cowboy boots and bell bottoms lol. He's so darn emotional, I swear, he always almost cries at some point during the show. He's so cute, makes me smile.=)

There was a backup guitarist I've never seen before playing with them. He was a grungy Australian dude who needed to wash his hair. I felt kinda bad for him coz he kept coming to the edge and rocking out and compared to Jason...well there is no comparison. But I cheered for him hehe.

Jason did a new thing this show. He walked around a bit with the microphone and sang to the crowd. Usually he just stands and sings. It was quite nice.

I did shoot a roll of film that I'll get developed on Sat. Hopefully they turned out well. The one shot I can't wait to see is the close up of Mr. Wade's cowboy boots.;)

Bink and I joked that we're getting old coz we left right after the show and didn't hang around to see if we *might* get to meet them lol. That's the first time ever. Well we both had to get up at 5:30 the next morning so that also had a lot to do with it. Plus, the guards had the tourbus area all roped off anyway with like gates so it would have been a challenge!

All in all, a super fun nite!

Well today was my LAST day at Ritz! It's a weird, liberating feeling to be done! I will really miss my coworker, Deb. She is the sweetest lady and she makes me laugh so much. She was my favorite person to work with, we were a good team. I feel really bad for leaving her there all alone b/c I'm the only one who would help her with things if she needed it. She's a great person who treated me like one of her own kids. She gave me a nice card and a Yankee candle today and had her daughter make me a huge going away banner and she brought in cheese and crackers and strawberries and cream puffs too. I will really miss her. Luckily, she always has weekends off too so we'll get lunch from time to time I'm sure. For some reason, I always get along best w/the older people I work with. At Walgreens my closest friend (whom I still talk to today) and best coworker was Frances who is in her 40s also. Same w/Deb at Ritz. Not sure why that is, but I get along well w/people whp are older than me lol.

I will also miss my "regulars" haha. Some of those people are so awesome. They can make my day, especially if I'm having a bad one. And I know they will miss me coz I always do their stuff right haha.

We all went bowling on Wed nite for a little going away party. Katie got me a yummy chocolate cherry cake and we all had a lot of fun! Today Katie gave me a card w/a Ritz membership inside. Hehehe she bought me one so I would keep coming back and of course I will b/c I'm a loyal customer now, I *have* to be haha. Jon, who I only worked with for 2 months, gave me a nice card and some Ferrero Rocher candies. He's a really sweet guy and I liked working with him also. Ahh it sucks to leave everyone, but there is way more that I *won't* miss. It's time to start a new chapter in my life.

Speaking of new, I got my hair cut on Tues - 5 inches chopped off and she added layers which I haven't had in years! I love it, its cute and stylish! New hair, new clothes, new job! Lots of changes!=)

I received some training materials on Tues via email from UHaul and let me tell you, it's a bit overwhelming. There's a lot of terminology and abbreviations I will really have to familiarize myself with even just to somewhat understand some of the material. Luckily, I have a terminology guide haha. There are these things called queries that are inquiries from the publisher regarding differences in UHaul's listings and their records and apparently you can get 5-10 per day and they take priority over everything else. There are deadlines for having the answer for the publisher. Well there are literally 5 pages of material on how to respond to these. It seems very tedious! I don't see how I will ever get anything else done! Luckily I will *supposedly* have 3 months of one-on-one training. I just hope I like it and am good at it. I know I will learn a lot tho and I know that I can learn anything I set my mind to. I remember how overwhelming Ritz seemed at first and now I can practically run the place myself! All of my jobs have been that way at first and I know this feeling is normal. Sometimes, I just lose confidence in myself. I just want to be successful and not disappoint anyone. I want them to know they hired the right person.=)

Bink and I went shopping yesterday for new business clothes for me since that is what I have to wear now. It was fun! It kinda feels like the first day of school haha!

This is my LAST WEEK at Ritz! I am super excited but I will miss some of it, but NOT a lot haha! We are all going bowling on Wed as a going away party for me. I don't know what Katie will do, she is losing both her full timers next weekend! But for once I can say its not my prob and I DON'T CARE haha!!!

Well thats about it for now!

Time for an update! It's been a month and a half, wow!

My most exciting news...I am officially UHaul's newest Advertising Analyst! Yes, thats right, I got called today and offered a new job, *finally*! It's like a breath of fresh air. I told Katie I was quitting today and it felt SO GOOD, so liberating! She seemed bummed but happy for me. I just hope Ritz doesn't fall apart when I'm gone. Seriously, our TSM (repair tech) today was like "You can't leave, you're the only one who can troubleshoot the machine!" LOL!

I start July 30 and my last day at Ritz is July 27. This job offer has been a long time coming. My first interview was about a month ago and by the time I start it will have been 2 months since I met w/my new boss! Altho the job pays less than I was hoping for, it is more than I'm making now and a way to gain great experience. Plus it gets my away from the BS of Ritz!

No more bitchy customers, ridiculous sales goals, broken machines, stupid training/meetings. No more customer service, no more nites, no more WEEKENDS! No more sneaky DM, no more annoying co-workers (well I'm sure they'll be at least one, there always is!), no more teaching photo classes, no more inventory, no more, no more, no more, no more!

I'm so excited to start new, have a job that is in my field and one that I can grow and expand in, one that seems more important. I like this company so far b/c everything is done in-house, meaning its easy to transfer departments and they don't hire out for services. I just hope I will like the job and live up to their expectations of me.=)

In other news, Bink got married on June 16th! It was a really nice wedding, a lot of fun! In June, I attended 3 weddings and was in 1 and Ryan attended 4 and was in 2 of them lol! Thank goodness June is over, it was so busy and expensive lol. We celebrated our 1 year anniversary on June 17th! We went up to Out of Africa for the day and came back to Phoenix for dinner at Pappadeaux. The wildlife park was really fun but super hot. I got some awesome pics of big cats and some giraffes. He got me some great perfume called Hawaii (smells *just like* Hawaii) and a book w/some Natnl Geographic photos in it and I got him a framed Steve Nash photo and a Suns shirt. It was a low-key but fun anniversary. One year has flown by!

Well thats my news for now! So excited!=D

Well my job was pretty much threatened today. The DM was in our store today and is really upset b/c it looks like shit (has looked the same since Jan!) and said basically that he's bringing HIS boss in Fri and if it doesn't look perfect, we're all gone (except for the 2 new hires). Hah, I will go to HR so fast his head will spin if he fires me! But, AZ is a right to work state so I don't think it matters anyway. You can get fired for no reason.

I am just so...TIRED of working my ASS off for no money! I work SO hard there and try so hard to make everyone happy and for what? I am taken advantage of everyday. And this next week I am working 9, count 'em 9 days in row!!! Katie also scheduled me this SUN! I DO NOT work Suns! Sun is my church/family/Ryan day. I have never worked Suns since I got my first job when I was 17. Every manager (except her now) has been very accomodating with that. I don't ask much w/my schedule. That is my one and only stipulation. I am available 6 other days, thats pretty flexible if I do say so myself. Her reason was that I am the only other one other than the new guys she has available and they are too new to be working just w/her. So now, b/c of my crap job, I get to miss my family's cookout/swimming on Sun, just like I miss out on so many other things b/c of work. I am so MAD I want to beat someone's head in.

And why is it the guy who works weekends can take a 3 WEEK vacation but I can't even get 3 weekends off in June to attend weddings I've known about for over a year!? GRRRRR!

I can't take it anymore. Every day I go there I get more and more frustrated and I feel like I'm drowning in this ocean of frustration and anger and it gets worse everyday. I don't know how many more weeks I can take there and how much more "Yes, of course" I can say before I just explode.

These next 9 days may just do it to me. By the time I have a day off, I will probably be in jail for murder lol.

I may just look for a new retail job nearby. Hobby Lobby is hiring and they are like 1 mile away from me and closed on Sun! Sounds perfect to me!=)

Why oh why can't I find a "real" job!? =( =(

Apparently, honesty isn't the best policy. Why is it that someone goes on and on about how he values integrity and honesty and then when you go to him w/a valid problem/concern, he acts like you're being petty? Why, when I never complain, never bitch out loud about anyone, and when I finally do, no one stands w/me even when they agree too? Why does someone say they are there for you if you have any problems and then when you go to him w/a problem, you feel like you aren't supported, or its *your* fault? Why do I feel like he thinks I'm doing this to get her in trouble and blame everything that goes wrong on her? Yeah right. Why am I treated with skepticism? That hurts *so bad* b/c I am such an honest person and I would never hurt someone on purpose. I am the most non-confrontational person I know (other than Ryan) and I would only voice a concern if I really felt like something was wrong. That should prove I am not being petty. But work and life - its all just a big game and being honesty just doesn't seem to matter, does it?

I feel trapped, like I am drowning, and I can't find the surface.

Ryan's cousin Matt had only his 2nd job interview today and 2 hrs later, they hired him. I am so happy for him (and he'll prob move out now!=D ) but at the same time, I am even more discouraged than ever. What is wrong w/me? WHY won't someone hire ME? I must be the worst interviewer ever or something.

I'm sorry to be bitching about all this again. I am just so low right now...

My job makes me want to kill someone.

I HATE it everday.

I HATE fixing co-workers mistakes, even my boss's, everyday.

I HATE bitchy, whiny ungrateful customers.

I HATE customers who *think* they know how to do my job and try to tell me.

I HATE customers who are never satisfied, no matter how much you do for them.

I HATE customers who take advantage of your generosity.

I HATE customers who need things NOW, NOW, NOW!

I HATE customers who get pissed at me when the register freezes and I have to call in to get it fixed and she has to *gasp* wait to buy her frames.

I HATE crazy customers who just don't get it.

I HATE customers who WON'T read.

I HATE customers who ask dumb questions.

I HATE explaining things over and over and over...everyday.

I HATE customers who want to ask questions/buy stuff way after the store has closed on a class nite and I am there late and I have to drive 20 miles to get home.

I HATE the dumb photo classes we offer.

I HATE that people sign up, then less than half actually come.

I HATE that people complain and critize the classes b/c they are FREE!

I HATE teaching them.

I HATE staying LATE while someone else teaches them.

I HATE that I STILL have not gotten paid for Feb and March classes even tho I've
submitted the paperwork 3x.

I HATE when our machines break all the time.

I HATE that I practically run the store and don't get paid for it.

I HATE that my boss is lazy and messy and disorganized.

I HATE that she WON'T teach classes.

I HATE that she's never at work.

I HATE that she's impossible to reach and never calls back since she never works.

Some of my co-workers drive me NUTS.

I HATE that I have to work nights a lot.

I HATE that I have to work Sat. Almost EVERY Sat NITE!

I HATE stupid training meetings.

I HATE that we have to push and sell everything.

I HATE that we can't just focus on one product/service. We have to excel in every
area.

I HATE that its never good enuf.

I HATE that I never get a raise.

I HATE RETAIL!!

Most of all, I HATE that its MAY and I'm still working at Ritz.

And I have no room to complain coz Ron offered me a transfer to his store a few weeks ago and I turned him down coz I was so sure I'd have a new job around the corner.

I have never been more frustrated.

I want to cry.

I just need a break.

Somewhere, something has to give, something has to open up and change for me...

I picked up the bm dress for my sis's wedding today, got it home to try it on and it won't zip up the whole way...the weird part is its not zipping up across my back, not my waist. Its fine there. Its too big in the bust but that was to be expected. I know I've gained a little weight but not *that* much since January when it was ordered. My other clothes all still fit. I think maybe they made a mistake w/measurements and of course its none exchangable and even if it was, its too late to order now. So yeah thats pretty depressing. I already spent $100 on the dress, now I have to hope and pray that the seamstress can let it out a bit, but it costs more to make something bigger than smaller, so more money again. And all Ryan has to say is "Just drop 15 lbs." Thanks a lot. Really know how to make me feel better.>;( Easier said than done. I want to lose 10 and I'm really trying. I ride my bike every day that I have time to (3-5x per week usually) and I've cut soda out and less sweets. I don't know what else to do b/c I can't afford to join a gym now. I am so upset and every time I look at that dress I get more and more upset b/c I've never, ever had to have anything made *bigger*. Also, the seamstress I want to use is getting very booked and I wanted to wait til mid-May coz I want to lose weight but now I don't know. I may have to get it done sooner since it has to be made *bigger*. *Sigh* I am so mad and I still have no new job...